Good Times in Chiang Mai

There were two options for us to head to Chiang Mai. The first (and logical) choice would be by plane, which would take about an hour and the second option was by train which would take about 11 hours. And us being us, we decided on the train because a) for the experience and b) since it was an overnight train we could save on hotel fare. Since we fancy, we tried to book a first class train ticket. It turns out that those sell out weeks in advance. So yes, we were assed out and got second class tickets. If we were in first class, we would have gotten our own room, sink, and food included. In second class, you pay for food , share a bathroom, and instead of a door for privacy when sleeping, you have a curtain. As far as sleeping arrangements went, you get the choice of having the bottom bunk or top bunk. Because we booked so late, we both got top bunks by the train doors. Sleeping on the top bunk was like sleeping in a coffin. It was so narrow and small and to make sure one doesn’t roll of the bed and onto the aisle, there were two straps bolted to the train ceiling. Somehow that gave me no reassurance as I was getting rocked by a train that was going faster than the speed of light. Using the bathroom took serious skill. The bathroom is the vilest bathroom I’ve seen. Even after you leave the bathroom, you would still get whiffs of the horrid stench. It’s probably been months since that bathroom was clean. I didn’t want my precious cheeks to touch that petri dish of a toilet seat, so I had to hover. And thanks to the madman operating the train, I had to balance myself with one hand on the door all the while getting my head knocked into the wall. It was nothing short of a miracle that I didn’t end up with a mild concussion or a pee on my pants. It was a bumpy, noisy, and all around uncomfortable sleep. I suppose it could have been worse; we could’ve been on third class.
We’re staying at the Centara Hotel, which coincidentally our landlords live for about four months out of the year. It’s a nice, hygienic, and comfortable hotel that’s steps away from the famous Night Bazaar, laundry and taxi rentals. My only gripes about this hotel is that the elevators take five years long and the hair dryer works in about two minute interludes. The Night Bazaar is an open air plaza with 100-150 stalls selling various Thai goods, from fake purses to jewelry to carved statues. There’s also a plethora of restaurants and food stalls, where you could find Thai, American, Japanese, Indian, and even Mexican food. (Mexican food is huge out here; many restaurants claim to have “authentic” Mexican food). My personal favorite is the Rotee stalls.; banana nutella, respectively. We’ve had many a helping of noodle dishes, curries, and barbecued meats on stick; after this trip, we’re good for Thai food for a while. Food for the both us on average costs between $5-$15.
Our first adventure was a visit to the Baan Chang Elephant Training School. They picked us and the rest of our tour group up and whisked us away into the hills of Chiang Mai. Our guide for the day was a scrappy guy named Tom. Before we could interact with the elephants, Tom gave us his spiel on the mission, vision, and history of Baan Chang Elephant Training School. The gist of it is that these “rescued” elephants were retired, (they did time in circuses/ shows and some did labor for some families in the hills) they don’t perform tricks, (no paintings or soccer) they hope to expand the school and they live happy lives. (The elephants sleep for four hours and eat for 20) Tom also stressed that the school gets no government funding and so funding mainly comes from tourists looking to spend some time learning and interacting with elephants. There are about 15 elephants there and it takes about $30,000 for the care of each elephant. We had to change out of our clothes into these stylish (yes, I’m being sarcastic) denim outfits because as Tom said “we have to accept that we gonna be dirty with the elephant”. The first activity was feeding time. After an introduction of the elephants (most were females; some old, one pregnant, and a mother and daughter) we were given bananas and sugar cane for the feeding. You stick your hand out and they retrieve the food with their trunks and into their mouths it goes. Some of the elephants, like the baby, want you to put the food directly into their mouths. Some take the food from you and drop it by their feet; presumably saving it for later. You have to be cautious at first because the elephants are understandably distrustful of strangers. So you stand there first with your hands outstretched (with the food of course) and wait for them to come to you. Most of them don’t turn down food; the only grumpy one was the pregnant one. The next activity was learning how to get on and off the elephants. To get on, you use their front leg as step stool, grab onto their ear and mount yourself on. Once on the beast, you grab onto both onto both ears as they rise up. You have to straddle their necks and put your hands on their head because that’s the best way to stay on them. To get off, you say (very firmly) “Nolong!” and grab onto both ears they go down. Once you’ve mastered mounting the elephant it was time to learn how to operate them via commands. To get them to move forward, you say “Pai” and knee them behind their ears; for left/right you say “Kwe, Kwe”, for left you knee their right ear and vice versa; and to get them to stop you stay “How!” We each rode them ( a short distance) around the compound. After our feeding time (fried chicken, mixed vegetables, and pineapples) it was time for a trek up the hills. It was cute to see all the elephants line up as they waited for their new human friends to mount them. Our elephant was a 51 year old broad named Hamchan. She had a tendency to stop walking for no apparent reason and also a tendency to wander off. It took a few commands and nudges for her to get going again. After about a two hour trek (including going up and downhill) the last stop was at the river bank. It was there that we could bathe/play with our elephants. Of course our elephant was the first to plop herself down into river. Knee deep in pee and poo infested water (there was a guy who had to fish out all the elephant loaves) we scrubbed and threw water on Hamchan. There was a playful baby elephant that kept spraying Hamchan and me; presumably the baby wanted me to go deeper into the river. But sorry kid, it wasn’t happening.
The second adventure was a cooking lesson at the Baan Thai Cooking School. The cooking school is located in a quaint house in a quieter neighborhood in Chiang Mai. In our group, there were couples from Australia, Germany, New York, UK, a guy from Brazil, and a girl from Belgium. That’s the cool thing about taking these classes/tours; you get to meet other travelers from around the world and get advice about what to do next. Before the cooking, there’s a trip to the local market where you learn about the different spices and vegetables used in Thai cooking and to do some shopping for the day. In the class you learn the following: a noodle dish, a curry, an appetizer, a soup, and a dessert. And within each category there is about four dishes to choose from. I made pad thai, chiang mai noodle, (red curry) papaya salad, tom yum, and mango with sticky rice. Everything turned out good (by good I mean edible) except for the papaya salad which I made too spicy; those little green chilies are deceiving! The class was ridiculously easy, they pretty much hold your hand throughout the whole class. All the portions for all the meals are decided for you; the work is cutting or mashing up the ingredients and then putting them in the wok to cook. I noticed that in most Thai dishes, the basic ingredients are fish sauce and sugar. Mystery decoded. After making each dish, you eat. After the second dish we made, there was an hour allotted for “naptime”. It was an extremely relaxing and fun day. Not too much work and all we did was eating all day. You also get a cook book for all the dishes made that day, which was a relief because I wasn’t going to remember shit that day. Will this mean I will now make Thai feasts? Probably not. Ok, maybe the mango with sticky rice.
The last adventure was a trip to Baan Tong Luang, which is an “eco-agricultural hill tribes village”. The hill tribes represented there are the Mien, Hmong, the Karen (long neck women) and the Akha. The village is basically a way for these hill tribes to sustain their traditional way of existence by sharing in the admission fees (500 baht per person) and by selling various goods. It’s crazy because the tribes all sell the same things: bags, jewelry, pipes etc. We almost felt as if we had to buy from everyone, so we tried to buy little things here and there. We buy something from them and in turn we take a photo. The tribes people were genuinely friendly and smiley, so photos and purchases weren’t hard to come by. On the way back down to the city, we stopped by a Monkey School. The only things these monkeys learn is how to do tricks for jerk tourists (such as us) like riding a bike, playing basketball, untying knots, shredding coconuts, doing pushups, and diving for coins. The monkey would touch people’s legs (if you’re in the front row) as the announcer in the background shouts “don’t touch monkey, monkey touch you!”
Massage parlors, like hooker bars, are a dime a dozen out here. Of course most of the naughty variety. You can get massages anywhere (sidewalk or indoors) and anytime. They’re pretty cheap too. We were getting foot massages and a group of male tourists came in and went straight upstairs. One of the girls came back down after about 30 minutes with her hair kind of messed up and short of breath. I’ve never had a Thai massage before, so like in Tokyo I was in for a shock when I got my first Thai massage. It’s a very aromatic massage that’s a mixture of yoga and wrestling moves. I didn’t know I was that flexible until my first Thai massage. Aside from being kneaded like dough, there’s also a lot of applied pressure to various parts of your body. I was sore for a few hours after the massage, but afterwards it felt like heaven.
That’s a wrap for our tiny Southeast Asian adventure. I’m sure I forgot somethings, as I have also forgotten proper grammar and sentence structure. Apologies for the delay in pictures. They will be up shortly. Maybe.