When in Bangkok

What Phnom Penh was for Siem Reap, Bangkok was for Chiang Mai: A launching pad. Bangkok remined me of a more organized, cleaner Manila with hints of a Tokyo influence. We stayed at the Furama Xclusive in Asoke, a really nice hotel with free wi-fi.
First order of business was Chatuchak Market. The market is vast and we were shoulder to shoulder with our fellow shoppers. As we shuffled through the masses, we would occasionally hear a honk as cars, trucks, and trolleys would tear through the crowds. The market, thankfully, was divided into sections; souvenirs, food, electronics, womens clothes, men clothes, children clothes, bags, vintage, etc .etc. After a while, the stands began to look the same and at times we were going in circles. It’s easy to get stuck there because its huge and there is some damn good shopping in that market. If you’re a shopper, Bangkok is the place for you. Where there is going to be crowds of people, there is going to be some sort of market.
Another market we had visited was the Floating Market. The Floating Market is about an hour outside of Bangkok. You’re put into a long boat and get taken down the various canals to do some shopping. There are stalls along the banks selling everything from souvenirs to spices. There were also boats that sold food such as fruits, soups, fried bananas, and barbecued meats. It was like Chatuchak Market but on water and the crowds of people were on boats. It would was really crowded; long boats would jam the canals. It was wise to keep your limbs in the boat as they could get smashed in the traffic jam.
The last order of business was Pat Pong. Pat Pong is the “entertainment” district of Bangkok. Entertainment meaning tits and ass. And that’s what it was; a strip full of establishments with different ways to view tits and ass. We were interested in only one thing: the ping pong show. We had heard the stories and now we had to see it for ourselves. If you are easily offended/squeamish, I suggest you stop reading from here. We were ushered into a strip club that had that type of show. There were two “veterans” among the eight strippers that were performing. I say veterans because these chicks were old. Instead of wearing those stripper heels, they wore comfortable ankle high gym socks. No joke. The first veteran looked like she’s been doing this way too long and danced like she was doing this way too long. Yes, she was all business. Her vagina tricks included: opening a beer bottle, whistling (yes she put a whistle in there) and my personal favorite the coke bottle trick. There’s two bottles of coke; one is empty and the other is filled with water. She sucks up the first bottle of water, with her you-know-what and empties the liquid in the second bottle. Only the liquid is not water but coke! Ewww, but wow! The other veteran’s tricks were blowing birthday candles and pulling a string of razor blades out of her vag. And with those razor blades she cut little paper people. The other acts from the other strippers included pulling colorful/glow in the dark ribbons out, using chop sticks to pick up various items, and shooting darts. When the stripper shot darts at ballons, one of the proprietors, a small rotund woman, sat next to me and raised her fist in the air, proclaming “ That’s a powerful pussy!” Coincidentally, the dart girl was also the ping pong girl. The girls shot ping pong balls at Carlos and two other women. One unfortunate woman got a ball shot at her face; hopefully she boiled her face afterwards. If the human vagina can push out a human, why shouldn’t it be able to do all those tricks those women did? We walked away that night knowing that there are things in this life that you cannot un-see; and for that we were forever changed. We briefly sauntered down Soi Cowboy, which is a smaller Pat Pong started by an American serviceman. We saw perverts strutting around with their much younger purchases on their arms. That pretty much completed our Perv. Tour and our stay in Bangkok.
Our last leg of the trip is Chiang Mai. Stay tuned as I will write of a shitty train ride, elephants, and a cooking class.